No Crying!

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12

Watching the American Olympics team last night as one of the gymnast failed to successfully mount the balance beam in a finals round of team competition I was reminded of one of my favorite movie quotes. It was the response of Tom Hanks as a reluctant coach of a woman’s baseball team in the movie A League of Their Own responding to a female player who burst into tears at his harsh criticism. “Crying? There’s no crying in baseball!”

This young woman, who had trained her entire life for a time such as this, had the pressure of going out and scoring big for Team USA. It was the event for which she was most qualified, a world leader in the balance beam. The plan was for her to perform a complex mount and go immediately into an acrobatic skill. Everything went as planned except that one small problem that she missed her footing on the mount and fell off the beam.

Personally, knowing that billions of people across the world had just witnessed my failure to achieve what I had flawlessly accomplished in training countless times, my response might have been to run off stage and hide as quickly as I could. She didn’t. She mounted the balance beam and proceeded to complete her performance, knowing that her mistake had probably just cost the team the gold medal. And, she didn’t cry. But you could see that she wanted to.

Then, as if that wouldn’t make your day bad enough, on the next round in the floor exercises she fell again. Then, she stepped out of bounds. And, it wasn’t like she was able to make all those mistakes in privacy. The entire world watched, winced, and wondered how an athlete at that level of competition could make such mistakes. (As if any of us could actually get near a balance beam ourselves without falling.)

She wasn’t alone in her mistakes. Several other members on the team made mistakes themselves. The hope of yet another Team USA gold medal at this Olympics was deferred. And, the demeanor on the faces of they young women made it apparent that they were heart sick.
One of the most interesting things to me about the Olympics is that the competitions are so incredibly close. There are world records being knocked down right and left. Swimmers are breaking world records and still losing the races. The time difference between a winner and a loser is measured in fractions of seconds or fractions of points.

In life, the difference between being perceived as a winner or a loser may not be as close as it is in the Olympics. However, perceptions can be dangerous. Some of the most highly trained athletes in the world leave the Olympics as “failures” in the eyes of the world because of their performance. Forgotten is the time and effort spent training and preparing for these events. Forgotten is the self-discipline and dedication it requires to reach this level of competition. Forgotten is the truth that God may teach us far more in failure than in success.

Never, never, never let your feelings of success or failure be dictated by the opinions of other people. How you feel about your performance should always be determined by how your performance lined up with what God called you to do.

Duty is ours, results are God’s.

Who are you calling stupid?

Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.
Proverbs 12:1

Generally I recommend using a thesaurus word substitute for the word “stupid.” My personal favorite is “ill-advised.” Like many things I have learned, the prudent use of a better word to express my opinion was obtained the hard way.

As a policy advisor, one facet of my job is to give the legislator I work for a brief description of the legislation that will heard on the House floor on any particular day. We have developed a report format with several columns of information. For example, there is a column with the bill number and the name of the author of the legislations. There is a column with a brief explanation of what the bill does. Then, there is a column for whether the bill promotes or violates conservative principles. Finally, (and my personal favorite) there is column for me to make comments about what I think about the bill.

Years ago my boss explained to me that he did not pay me to agree with him. He pays me for my analysis of policy. While I appreciate that, I do not take it for granted. That is why I try to separate what I know about a particular piece of legislation from what I think about it. (Hence, the separate columns for what a bill does and what I think about it.)

On the day I learned my lesson about the value of thesaurus words, I had written in the report that a piece of legislation was “just about the stupidest thing I had ever seen.” What I was unaware of at the time was the fact that the report I thought was prepared for only my boss to read was actually also used by a number of legislators seated around him on the floor.

Imagine the position I had placed my boss in when a legislator read the report and said, “Your staffer just called me stupid.”

Being a Marine colonel, Eagle Scout, and all around great guy, my boss quickly came to my defense and truthfully replied, “No, she just said your bill was stupid.”

When he returned to the office and shared the experience we had a good laugh, but I was horrified to realize the position in which I had put him. It was at that point that I determined there must be a better word. So, “ill-advised” has become our code word for stupid.

However, in the context of today’s proverb, “stupid” works for me. To hate correction means that when you are wrong you do not care and you like being wrong.

That’s just plain stupid.

Lord, help me to seek correction in the areas of my life where I need it.

Olympic Golf Balls

The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them.
Proverbs 11:3

The Olympics are here! I don’t know about you, but around our house we are engaged in Olympic mania. From the extravagance of the opening ceremonies to the awarding of gold medals and all the commercials in between, we seem to be glued to the TV. There are not enough hours in the day to absorb all the events, so we are recording those we want to come back to later.

What is it that so completely pulls us into watching the Olympics? Why would billions (billions, with a B) of people watch a basketball game? Do we want to share in the glory of the American gymnastics team taking home a gold medal? Or, are we secretly hoping to see the gymnasts fall off the uneven bars, stumble in a routine or take a tiny step on a landing? If you are not the one competing, does it really matter who wins in the swim meets? And, how is it that badminton is a sport that is internationally televised?

The answer is, I do not have a clue why the Olympics mesmerize us. But, as I was watching this weekend I was very conscience of the fact that this is a group of people who have their “golf balls” in the spotlight.

There is great pride on the American team that they are committed to competing “clean.” Not only are Olympians required to submit to blood and urine testing, but some of the major athletes on the American team have agreed to a more intensive regimen of testing to prove they are not using any form of performance enhancing products. Their blood samples will be stored for up to eight years in the event that more sophisticated testing becomes available to expose the use of prohibited products.

Imagine – not only is the world watching to see if you drop your golf ball. But, in the event that you drop your golf ball and nobody sees it, in eight years someone can pull out the proof that you did, indeed, drop the ball and drop it big. They can strip you of your medals and the integrity of everything you have ever done will be in question.

It would seem like those consequences would be sufficient to deter athletes from using the performance enhancers. Yet, estimates are that over 40 participants will be disqualified for just that reason before the games are over. That’s a lot of dropped golf balls.

God will not be mocked. It is a spiritual truth that if you will not deal in private with the issues in your life that the Lord wants resolved, He will bring them into the public arena for action. Your character and integrity flaws cannot be hidden from the Lord. If you do not protect them from blemish, if you do not repent when you know you have sinned, the Lord will bring up in public the issues He wants you to address. Deal with it now, or deal with it later. Just know, you will deal with it.

Lord, show me the areas of my character that need attention and give me the gift of repentance.

Wisdom

I love those who love me (wisdom), and those who seek me diligently will find me.
Proverbs 8:17

One of my favorite parts of being on the other side of 50 (old, advanced in years) is that I really am a lot wiser than I was at half my age. Most parents of teenagers have at one time or another wished that their child could have known them as a teenager, because back then they knew everything, too.

I probably peaked in knowing everything somewhere around 16 or 17 and have steadily been learning how much I do not know since that time. And, the older I get, the more I know I don’t know. But, I have increased in wisdom. And, wisdom is what the entire book of Proverbs is all about.

For 31 chapters, the writers of Proverbs go on contrasting wisdom and folly. There may be no more practical book to follow for everyday living than Proverbs for direction in things to do (or not to do) for a successful life. Advice on alcohol use, prostitutes, peer pressure, anger management, work ethics, marriage, relationships – all the things that we deal with in our lives on a daily basis - is covered in the book. In fact, almost all the answers available in any self-help book available today was probably first covered in Proverbs.

Wisdom is a character trait near and dear to God’s heart. Scripture tells us that wisdom was with God during the time of creation. When Solomon was made king, he recognized his inadequacy to rule over the people. His cry to the Lord was that he be given wisdom in his leadership. “So give Thy servant an understanding heart to judge Thy people to discern between good and evil.” (1 Kings 3:9). And, it goes on to say that God was pleased that Solomon had asked this thing.

There is no reason to wait until you are my age to begin the habit of seeking wisdom. Begin today to study the Book of Proverbs and make it a lifelong habit. You are never too young to seek wisdom and you will never be too old to seek it. But, you will always be at just the right age to suffer the consequences if you don’t.

Lord, give us understanding hearts of your ways. Increase our wisdom daily.

What Needs to Change?

For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He watches all his paths.
Proverbs 5:21

It is funny how the things that ought to motivate you are not necessarily the things that get your attention in the first place. The knowledge that the eyes of the Lord are watching all my paths fills me with fear and trembling now that I am “old, advanced in years.” But, I was not nearly as aware of that in my youth.

Most toddlers (and teenagers) know that the eyes of their mother are watching all of their paths. Around middle school the concern becomes that the eyes of their peers are watching all that they wear. That is when the desire to look like and be like everybody else seems to be at its height. During middle school and high school the fads in hairstyles and clothing create the photo opportunities that will delight your future offspring. Nothing makes a daughter quite so glad not to be her mother as seeing the ridiculous clothes or hairstyles that she wore at that age.

But around the time that you become a parent you realize that there are another set of eyes on you. Every word out of your mouth, every gesture is seen by your offspring. If you wonder how you look when you are angry, becoming a parent will quickly reveal that to you in the behavior of your child. Does what your child say when they stub their toe surprise you? It shouldn’t. It is probably what they heard you say the day before. Do you expect your children to be ethical? What do you tell them to say when they answer the phone and it is someone you do not wish to speak to?

So far my favorite stage of life has been watching my granddaughter hold my daughter accountable for what she says and does. Some of the behaviors I unsuccessfully tried to change as a parent have miraculously been abandoned when viewed through the mirror of her daughter’s eyes. Like her mother before her, my daughter is getting a new understanding of integrity, honesty, self-control, patience, and love through her daughter as Hannah watches “all her paths.”

While there are various stages of life where the lesson comes home to each of us, the vital thing to remember is that the Lord is watching all that you say and do. It is like the golf ball. He is always there as a witness (even when you drop the golf ball). He knows what your eyes see and where your thoughts wander. He knows which websites you choose to explore, how you treated your date last night, and what you said about that person who offended you.

If you are ever feeling particularly self-righteous and thinking you might have “arrived” at your peak of spirituality, try this. Ask the Lord to show you all the things about yourself that are not pleasing to Him. Then, get out the pen and journal, because I assure you that there is going to be an extensive “to do” list to work on. Several days later, after you have cried, “Uncle,” repented, and begged for mercy He will give you a break and let you work on those things without more piling on.

But, always remember that He is watching all your paths. And He will always tell you the things you need to change when you have the courage and the faith to ask.

Lord, give me the courage to see the things in my life that need to change.

Basset Rules

Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established.
Proverbs 4:26

Psalms 81:11-12 scripture says, “But My people did not listen to My voice, and Israel did not obey Me. So I gave hem over to the stubbornness of their heart, to walk in their own devices.”
The older I get there are two things that become more and more clear to me. The first is there is a Satan and he can wreak havoc in our world. The second is that Satan gets blamed for an awful lot that we do to ourselves just because of where we choose to walk.

Let me explain in “basset” terms. Being worshiped by a basset hound is about as close to being a god as I ever want to get. They love me. They always greet me at the door with a joyful noise. And, they follow me everywhere I go. They give me great joy.

But, unlike God who gives us free choice to make decisions about where we walk, the bassets around our house are not trusted with free will. After six years of basset rearing, I know that given an opportunity to make a bad choice, a basset will take it.

A skein of yarn left unattended is an open invitation to run out the dog door and unravel a half-knitted sweater. A cell phone left unattended around a basset pup is considered to be a chew toy. And, being disciplined about chewing the first phone does not prevent chewing a second one. (Don’t ask how I know this.) Likewise, they consider anything on the dining room table or the edge of the kitchen counter to be fair game.

So, in the interest of keeping both peace and bassets around the Seay household, there are two very specific rules that are in place in our home regarding where a basset can (or cannot) walk:
Rule 1: Bassets are not allowed in rooms with carpet.

Bassets drool, shed and smell. Tile cleans up easily. Therefore, bassets should only be allowed where cleanup is easy. However, telling a basset that they cannot go in a room with carpet does not keep them out of it. Closing the door and keeping it closed does. Just wanting to stay out of trouble isn’t enough – you have to close some doors.

Rule 2: Bassets sleep in crates at night.

Bassets left outside bark and howl at night. Bassets sleeping in a crate do not. Being a good neighbor and getting a good night’s sleep both require that bassets sleep at night. However, given a choice, they would choose to howl at the moon. I have never had a poor night’s sleep because the bassets were asleep in their crates. You do not generally get into trouble for being where you are supposed to be.

Summary: Close the doors that lead to places you shouldn’t be – just don’t go there. And, if you like to howl at the moon, get yourself a crate! Your mother will sleep much better for it.

Lord, do not allow us to turn to either the right or the left, but to stay on your path.

Parenting

My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent.
Proverbs 1:10

Have you ever wondered why parents worry so much about their children succumbing to peer pressure? One reason is because giving in to peer pressure was the original sin - remember Eve and the serpent.

Parents know that God created His children (Adam and Eve) and placed them in the ideal environment – The Garden of Eden. He walked with them and talked with them daily. They were well versed in His ways. They did not come from a broken home. They had no drugs or alcohol temptations. There was no television, no Hollywood, no computer pornography. There were no other young people around them who had been raised with a different set of values and expectations. They had not been educated in the public schools.

And even though God’s kids grew up in the right neighborhood, had dinner at home every evening, and had a great relationship with their dad, Satan was able to tempt them by twisting the truth and challenging what they had been taught. “You surely shall not die!”

One look at the story of Adam and Eve is sufficient to make any parent recognize their total human inadequacy to protect their children from the dangers of the world. If God, as the perfect parent had discipline issues, how much more can I expect to deal with as a parent? And so, parents are left with the responsibility to protect their children while they can, to inform them of the dangers they know they will be facing and to instruct them in the ways to avoid the dangers of the world.

Look both ways before you cross the street. If a car hits you, it will hurt. Do not touch the hot stove. It will burn you. If sinners entice you, DO NO CONSENT.

Parents know they can explain it to you, but they cannot understand it for you.

Lord, lead me not into temptation.